I gave up on romance.
I gave up on virtue.
And replaced it all with love.
This is still likely the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. Make me feel small and important all at the same time. Moves me every single time.
Sometimes I just close my eyes and listen to to world going on around me. Let myself drift out of my body, to a place where only the sounds or the world beyond my own little shell exist. The rumbling of a car, the squawk of a bird, the sound of children playing, the slush and whirl of the dish washer. It makes me think how insanity is likely not voices in your head, but rather the sound of silence. The deafening quiet, that you can hear the beat of your own heart.
I find true silence maddening. There is something to be said about calm. But that can exist through noise. Stillness and calm are a need for my soul. I forget to take a moment and breathe and remember that I am alive and I should be happy. To appreciate the chaos all around me that much more, because it makes the still calm times that much more special.
I have had a lot of thoughts running through my head as of late. It’s been hard to focus on one thing in particular. Life has a funny way of getting in the way of living. One minute you can feel great, passionate, energetic, inspired and the next you can be in the middle of your 4th cup of coffee wondering how you will even make it through the rest of your day.
The more and more I dwell on it, the more I realize I must make a change. Over a year ago, I started something I called “The Joy Project” in which I set out to change my own perspective and find my own joy through putting more out into the world and taking a step back and enjoying life. I also decided to put myself out there more often. Part of that was starting this blog site. Putting myself and the things I have written out there was scary, but turned out to be rewarding. I have since let life get in the way of my posting and my writing. I am searching for a way to get everything back on track and it starts with my mindset.
First I need to take time to find a few quiet moments in the week and not let myself be distracted by technology. I had started doing a “Low-tech” day, where computers, phones, televisions and other distracting and time wasting devices were turned off. I am looking to bring that back and have every Sunday afternoon/early evening to be a “Low-tech” day.
The other thing I want to start doing is keeping a hand written journal. Somewhere I can jot down ideas or thoughts without the need of electronics. Writing has become so disconnected and much like reading on a tablet, although convenient, loses some of it’s charm and legitimacy. I am also going to attempt to post something 2-3 times a week. And want to take an idea I have and run with it.
I have also begun working on a novel a few months ago, which I hope to finish soon. I have really put myself into it and I hope have something I am proud of in the end. Hopefully through struggling and striving to be better, in life, in writing and in general as a human being, I will find my way through life and all the road blocks and writer’s blocks along the way.
She smiles like a bridge that can’t be crossed.
Washed away like some passionate afterthoughts.
Like the smoke from a fire burnt down to embers.
Like a fading face you can’t remember.
But the shape is there albeit hollow.
Like a shadow neither leads nor follows.
But disappears in the light of day.
Only in darkness will she stay.